The Brotherhood
by Willful Redhead
Summary: After everything is lost, the brothers cling to what remains.
1. Chapter 1

_(I was sort of curious about beginnings. If you've read my stories - thanks by the way - I sort of have a fascination with how the past influences who the brothers become. I am especially fascinated with Adam, who would have had to change all his plans for his future. When we meet him, he is comfortable with his new future, but I wonder how difficult a process that would've been. So this is my take on the past - the one I made up anyway. _

_I really appreciate all the reviews. I am excited about all the stories that are being added to this show. I love reading about the brothers!)_

***7***

Adam McFadden rolled over trying to squeeze in just five more minutes of sleep. He knew if he waited too long, they would come looking for him. Sighing he threw back the covers, dressed quickly and rushed downstairs.

"Cutting it kind of close, ain't ya?" His brother Brian teased.

"Shut up!" He said.

"Junior!" His mother said coming in the room, holding his baby brother on her hip. "Whatever happened to good morning?"

"Mom!" He protested.

She sighed. "Good morning, _Adam_."

"Morning Mom." He said with a grin. Guthrie stretched his arms to him. For some reason, his baby brother was crazy about him.

"Give him a hug." His mother said.

"Mom! He's all sticky!" He patted his baby, brother's head.

"You'll be gone in a few weeks and then you'll miss him, sticky fingers and all." She put him in his high chair.

"I guess." He said unconvinced. He was leaving for school next month and he couldn't wait. Being the oldest of seven brothers was bad enough, but his father ran a cattle ranch, and the chores were never ending. He figured college would seem like a vacation.

"I see Junior finally decided to crawl out of bed." His father said coming into the room trailed by three of his brothers. "I'm going to need your help up by that windbreak, today."

"Yeah, I figured." He sighed.

"And then I want you to do an inventory. Round-up is in just four days. I need you to make sure we don't need anything else."

"Dad! That'll take hours! I was going to meet the guys in Murphys."

"I don't think that will work today and remember, I'm taking your Mom out tonight. I need you home. Besides, I need you to go over everything with Brian."

"Everybody moves up one spot!" His thirteen year old brother Crane said looking up from his cereal bowl.

"That's right!" His Dad said, pouring himself a cup of coffee.

"'Cept me." Ford said pouting.

"Hey, you know the rules buddy: no roundup until you are six. Next year it will be your turn. Besides, you need to look after your Mama and your brothers."

"I'll be waiting, Junior." His father said turning to leave. He wrapped his arms around his wife saying, "See you later, girl." Adam shook his head while they kissed. "Be good men, I'll see you all later."

Adam put his plate in the sink and looking out the window, sighed loudly.

"Something wrong, Junior. Too much work?" She grinned at him.

"Mom, we talked about this. I'm too old for it." He leaned against the sink.

"I understand, son. I'm not arguing with you. It's just confusing." She said.

"How?" He said. She studied him for a minute and then called out, loudly, "Adam!"

His father stuck his head in the door. "What is it?"

"See. How would you know I was calling for you, or for him?" She said looking at her son. "Nothing darling, I just wanted an extra kiss." She said with a smile at her husband. He leaned inside and she kissed him.

"Fine!" He grumbled. "But they sure as hell, won't call me junior at school.". He stormed out after his father.

"What's the matter with him?" Crane asked her.

"Wait til you are seventeen, honey." She said kissing his forehead. "It isn't easy to grow up."

"I'll be eighteen in twenty-four days!" He yelled from the front porch.

***7***

Brian watched his older brother with envy. He stood side by side their father, the two of them working without even speaking. They were just about the same height, though Adam Jr. was skinny and didn't have their father's muscular bulk, but he would soon. Adam lifted his head and grinned at his father. As far as Brian could tell, there wasn't a job on the ranch that Adam didn't already know how to do.

"You planning on working?" His father asked him.

"Yeah, I was just wondering . . ." Brian hesitated.

"Those bracing are loose." His father pointed. "C'mon, Brian. Think. You can trust yourself."

"Dad hasn't got time to tell you every little thing." His older brother said.

"That's enough, Junior. Every man is different. You just need to give Brian time."

Brian sighed. There was no way he'd ever be able to fill his oldest brother's shoes.

***7***

"Don't let Guthrie stay up all hours. And both Ford and Evan already had two cookies, so don't let them sucker you into giving them more." His mother said.

"Mom!" Evan said. "You're ruining the whole night!" She leaned down and kissed the six year old.

"Sorry, pal. You are son number five, so I've caught on to all your sneakiness, already."

"Man! I knew I should've been born sooner! C'mon on Ford, lets go play trucks." He dragged his little brother away. "Night Mama!" He shouted.

"Katie, if you have any hope of seeing that movie, we need to go!" His father said coming into the room and tucking in his shirt.

"Next time we go out, you won't be here." She said looking at Adam.

"Oh, Mom, you aren't gonna cry, are you?" He moaned.

"Maybe. A mom's got a right to cry now and again." She put a hand to his cheek. "It seems just last week, you were as small as Guthrie." She sighed. "I don't like it. I like all my men, here with me and safe. Now, you are gonna leave me, find some pretty girl and stay away forever."

"Mom!" He said, embarrassed.

"Katie, seriously. We gotta go." His father said winking at him. "You can cry about Junior . . ." He caught himself. "About Adam, here, growing into a man tomorrow."

"You boys be good." She said, and they all said in unison, "Yes, Ma'am."

"Don't go Mama!" Ford said abandoning his trucks, and wrapping his arms around her legs. "Stay and play with us."

"I'll be back." She said kissing the top of his head.

"Promise?" He said looking up at her with his wide blue eyes.

"Promise." She winked at him. "You boys be sure and clean up. Listen to Adam, alright?"

Adam followed them out to the porch.

"We'll be home by eleven, but if I can convince your Mom to go out dancing, it might be later." His father said as he walked down the steps. He turned back and held out his hand to his wife.

"Come on, girl! I thought you said you have been waiting all week for this! Let's go!"

"Adam! Quit rushing me!" She said grabbing a sweater.

"You are just so beautiful. I wanna show you off!" He said grinning at her.

She blushed, and Adam felt a sudden wave of homesickness even though he hadn't even left yet. He would be away from them in just a few more weeks. He couldn't imagine not being under their loving gaze. His parents were a source of joy and embarrassment to him. They were forever kissing, hugging, holding hands, and all around communicating to the world around them that they belonged to only each other. He would turn purple with embarrassment when his father would say in public, "You can take a glance fellas, but this girl here belongs to me! You just wish you could spend a day in my shoes!" But at the same time, it brought a great peace and contentment to him. He hoped someday, he could find a girl who would love him the way his mother loved his father. He watched the truck disappear into the setting sun, his mother sitting close to his father.

"Adam!" Crane yelled from inside. "Can we play football in the house, now?"

He sighed and came in the door. "Are you outside your mind, buddy? Mom would kill us. If you wanna play football, go outside."

"You play with us." Daniel begged.

"I'll watch." He sighed, and looking down at Guthrie who clung to his legs, he said, "Come on little buckaroo." and lifted his baby brother up into his arms.

***7***

He awoke suddenly. A persistent sound pulled at the edges of his consciousness; a knocking. Opening his eyes he realized he'd fallen asleep on the couch. Glancing at the clock, he saw that it was nearly three. He was surprised that his parents hadn't sent him to bed when they had come home. He rose as he realized that the sound was someone knocking at the door. He rubbed his face, and walked to the door. Swinging it wide, he was surprised to see the sheriff standing in front of him, with his wife beside him.

"Sheriff Hawkins." He said still groggy. "What . . ."

"Adam, I'm going to need you to come with me. Mrs. Hawkins is going to stay here with the boys, alright.

"What?" Adam asked overwhelmed with fear.

"Son, there was an accident. I need you to come with me to the hospital."

"What do you mean?" Adam asked suddenly filled with a sinking fear.

"Just come with me." He put a hand on Adam's shoulder. "We should hurry."

Adam nodded his head and followed Sheriff Hawkins out his front door.


	2. Chapter 2

Adam sat in the plastic chair in the waiting room. He was, for the moment, alone. Sheriff Hawkins had sat with him. Doctors had sat with him. He remembered a nurse sitting beside him, holding his hand. For now, though, he was alone. He waited. He rose stiffly and watched the sunrise outside the window, and knew they would be here soon.

"Can I get you anything?" A voice behind him said.

He turned and saw the doctor who had spoken to him earlier.

"No, sir." He said.

"They said you had no one to contact."

"No." He sat down in the chair. "We don't have any living grandparents."

"No aunts or uncles?" He asked.

Adam shook his head. "My father is . . ." He swallowed. "was, an only child. And my mother's sister died last year." He looked down at his feet.

"You have six brothers?"

"Yeah. I'm the oldest. I just graduated high school last month. I am supposed to leave for college in five weeks. I'm going to be a doctor."

"I'm really sorry." The doctor said.

"Yeah." Adam said looking at his feet.

***7***

"We have your brothers in a private waiting room." Sheriff Hawkins told him. "Listen, Adam, I can do this. You don't have too."

"No, I know them and it'd be better from me." He sighed. "Will you come with me, though?"

"Of course." He followed Sheriff Hawkins down a hallway and he stopped just outside a closed door.

Adam reached out with his hand, and paused before opening the door. He felt his legs shake, and for a second he thought he would fall to the ground. He leaned his forehead against the door and drawing in a deep breath, he stood with shoulders straight, and opened the door.

"Adam!" Brian ran to him. "What's going on?"

"Where's Dad?" Crane asked. He held Guthrie in his arms, but seeing Adam, Guthrie stretched out to him.

He lifted his baby brother into his arms, and hugged him tightly.

"Everybody sit down." He said. "Listen, something happened tonight. Something bad." He looked at their faces. They were frightened.

"What do you mean?" Brian asked.

"Mom and Dad were heading home, but this big truck swerved across the road, and hit the truck." He swallowed. "It was a really bad accident." The only sound in the room was Guthrie who hummed quietly. "They brought them here, and the doctors tried really hard to fix things." He swallowed trying to avoid the upturned faces of his brothers. He glanced at Evan who watched him with wide, blue eyes.

"Did they fix them?" Daniel asked quietly, already beginning to cry.

Unable to speak, Adam shook his head slowly, biting the inside of his lip.

"Are they dead?" Crane asked standing with his fists clenched.

"Yes." Adam said quietly. He turned towards Brian who had risen, cursing and punched his fist against a chair, sending it spinning across the floor. He turned seething, looking for something else to hit or kick.

"Hey, you are scaring the little guys." He said crossing to him.

"Who's gonna look after us?" Brian said, his eyes wide. "There's no one left."

"I know." He put a hand on his shoulder. "You and me, we gotta take care of things, Bri. Come on, man. They need us." He gestured towards the brothers who all sat crying. Sheriff Hawkins had an arm around Daniel who wept into his shoulder. He had pulled Evan onto his lap.

"Where's Mama?" Ford asked. "I want Mama."

"Ford, Mama won't come home anymore. She died." Adam said softly turning towards the six year old.

"But she promised." He whispered.

"I know she did." Adam said, and he put an arm around Ford who clung to him sobbing.

Later, Adam could remember little of talking with his brothers. He only remembered his feeling of desperate longing for someone to come and take care of him, but there was no one left. He remembered the sound, though, of his brothers weeping. It was seared into him.

***7***

Ford peered out from underneath the dining room table. He nudged his older brother, Daniel who sat beside him.

"I don't know any of those people." Ford said. Daniel looked out.

"Sure you do. See, there's Mrs. Sharon, Mama's friend, and Mike, and Rob. They help Dad sometimes. You know all these people. They came to say good-bye to Mom and Dad."

"I don't want them here. I want it to be just us."

"What are you guys doing?" Crane said crawling under the table with them.

"I don't like all these people here." Ford said.

Crane sighed, "I know." He sat crossed legged and Ford climbed into his lap.

They sat together saying nothing, until Adam knelt down by the table.

"There you are." He said peering under the table. "Brian and me, been looking all over." He looked at his brothers. "Where's Evan?"

"He's hiding." Ford said. "He says you lied and that Mama is coming home."

Adam sat back on the ground sighing. "Do you know where he's hiding?" He asked Ford.

"Uh huh, but he made me promise not to tell you." Adam sighed frustrated. "Ford, it's important!"

"No. I promised."

"Did you promise not to tell me?" Crane asked, and Adam had to grin.

"No." Ford hesitated. "He just said don't tell Adam."

"Then you can tell me." Crane said looking down at Ford.

***7***

"Hey, Evan." Adam said. He stood in the doorway of his parents bedroom. He hadn't gone anywhere near it in the two days since the accident. It felt sacred somehow. Even from the doorway, he could smell his mother's perfume. Evan's bright blue eyes peered out from underneath their parent's bed.

"Go away!" Evan said and Adam was amazed at how angry he sounded.

He crossed all the way into the room then, and got down on his stomach so he could see Evan's face. It was streaked with tears, and dust.

"Evan, come on out." He said.

"No! I'm not! I'm waiting for Mama." He turned his face away angry.

"Mama can't come home, Evan. She's gone."

"Shut up!" Evan said. "Shut up! I hate you!" Adam sat up, cross-legged, and rubbed his face frustrated. He had no idea what he was supposed to do, and there was no one to ask.

"Evan." Brian said from behind. "Don't be mean. You know what Mama always says." He sat down next to Adam and waited. "Come on, what does Mama tell us?"

"We are brothers, and we stick together first." Evan said softly.

"That's right." Brian said. Adam looked at his sixteen year old brother, amazed. "Now, come on out, so we can talk."

Slowly, Evan crawled out and the three of them sat on the floor together.

Adam looked at his little brother, so small and sad. He wished he were wiser, older. He wished his father was here to tell him what to do. He wished for so many things . . .

"Evan," He began. "I'm really sorry. Mama can't come home to us anymore." Evan crossed his arms turning his back to Adam.

"Evan," Brian said. "Are you angry?"

Evan nodded slowly.

"Me too! I'm really mad. I want Mom and Dad to come home, but they can't. You know nothing would keep them away from us, right? If they could be here, they would be."

"I want Mama and Daddy. Why won't they come back?" He turned back to his older brothers with giant tears in his bright eyes.

"Hey, Evan." Adam said softly. "You remember, Buddy?"

"Yeah, he was a really good dog." Evan said.

"What happened to Buddy?" Adam asked him, inching closer to Evan.

"He got sick and then he died. We buried him under the tree. Daddy put a stone next to it, so we could remember."

"Mom and Dad, are dead just like Buddy." Adam said.

"But they weren't sick." Evan protested.

"No, but they got hurt. A truck hit their truck, only it was a really big truck, and they doctors, well, they just couldn't fix Mama or Daddy." Evan said nothing, but shook with tears, and Adam lifted him into his lap.

"Mama and Daddy are dead?" Evan asked.

"Yeah, buddy. They are." Adam said crying himself. "I'm really sorry, but they are." He rocked Evan back and forth in his arms, and looking up saw Brian sobbing across from them. "Hey!" He said and reached out an arm to include him in their embrace.

"You'll take care of me, won't you, Adam?" Evan said. "Promise! Promise you'll take care of me!" Evan's voice was desperate.

"I'll take care of you pal." Adam said kissing the top of his brother's head.

***7***

Adam and Brian sat alone at the kitchen table. Everyone had finally left a few hours ago, and the boys all stayed together in the livingroom. All of them were asleep at last. They slept together in a clump on the couches, Guthrie's portacrib nearby.

"What's gonna happen?" Brian asked.

"I don't know!" Adam said sharply. "How am I supposed to know?"

"You aren't going to leave us, are you? You can't go to school now." Brian said sounding younger than sixteen.

"I don't know, Brian!" Adam stood. "All I know is, we got to bring in those cows."

"What?"

"Round up." Adam said. "Remember, we are supposed to be leaving for round up tomorrow."

"Cows? Who cares about stupid cows?" Brian said angry.

"Dad cared." Adam said his voice harsh. "You want this ranch to fail? You want _his_ ranch to fail?" Brian shook his head slowly. "Then we gotta bring them in." Adam said.

"We can't do it by ourselves! Are you crazy? I don't know how to do everything." Brian stared open-mouthed at his older brother.

"We know enough, together. This ranch is Dad's dream. What would he say if we just left those cows out there? We've got responsibilities!" Adam turned back to Brian. "We have to do this for them."

"But what about the little ones? There's no one to stay with them."

"Then we'll have to bring them with us." Adam said. "Brian, we need to do this. We need to prove we can take care of ourselves. Do you want them to be split up? Do you want to send Guthrie away to some other family?"

"No." Brian said. "But you and me, were just kids. No one's gonna let them stay here."

"No one's gonna take them." Adam said firmly. "We are brothers. We stick together first."

***7***

Adam rubbed his face, and gathering all his strength and courage went into the livingroom where Guthrie was crying.

"Mama! Mama! Mama!" His baby brother cried over and over. Adam lifted him up out of the porta crib, and into his arms. His brothers stirred briefly, but either they had become accustomed to Guthrie's wails, or they pretended to sleep, unable to face their broken-hearted baby brother.

"Mama!" Guthrie repeated again and again. Adam moved to the armchair with Guthrie in his arms. He tried to keep himself from crying as his baby brother wailed, inconsolable for his mother.

Adam began at first to hum, and then to sing the same lullaby his mother had sung to him, and to all his brothers. It was the only thing, that ever quieted Guthrie.

_Hush, my angel_

_Do not cry_

_Mama's here_

_Let eyes be dry_

_No more weeping_

_Be at rest_

_Mama's here_

_No distress_

_Close your eyes_

_and safely sleep_

_In my arms_

_And in my keep_

He could hear, Crane's voice joining in, as he came to sit beside the two of them, as he did each night. Sometimes Brian and Daniel would join in too. It had become a nighttime tradition forged in brokenness and sorrow. The song ended and Crane lay back down beside Daniel, and Guthrie drifted back to sleep, but Adam rose and stood at the window, watching another sunrise. He found it difficult to lie down and sleep. Every time he tried, he would be flooded with worries, questions; the stress of their uncertain future overwhelming him. His heart pounding he would rise, and pace the house until the dawn. They planned to leave on round up in two days, and the preparations gave him something to think about, so when worry overwhelmed him, he would run down the list of supplies over and over again in his head. He glanced back at his brothers, who even after four days, still slept together in a clump in the front room each night. Sleeping, they all, even Brian looked so small. He glanced at the mirror that hung in the entryway, and almost didn't recognize himself; he looked haggard from lack of sleep, and old. He moved closer, and was surprised to see how old and weary he looked.

He wished someone would sing him a lullaby.


	3. Chapter 3

Adam adjusted the sling that kept Guthrie tied to him, and paused to look back at the line of his brothers. They were almost to the corral that was their yearly base of operations during round up. It had been slow going. He had to keep Guthrie with him, and had used an old baby sling to keep him from falling off the horse. It was hot and uncomfortable, but at least Guthrie was happy. For whatever reason, since the day he was born, his youngest brother had loved to be with him. He wondered now if there wasn't some deeper reason why.

Both Evan and Daniel could ride pretty well. At eight, Daniel was determined to be as good a cowboy as his older brothers. Adam could almost laugh when he saw Daniel's determined face. Danny was stubborn, and Adam knew that even small as he was, he could count on him to carry out whatever directions Brian and Adam gave him.

Ford rode with Brian, and he was quite put out about it. He wanted to ride alone like his older brother Evan. Crane had explained patiently to him over and over that he couldn't ride his own pony until he was six - just like Dad had always said. Evan had thrown his own tantrum when Adam had told him, he couldn't bring his colt, Diablo. "He's mine!" Evan had said stomping his foot angrily.

_How the hell did Mom manage all of us. _ Adam thought sighing. He had pictured them all loading up, getting on the horses and going. All the fussing and arguing had taken more than an hour.

"Diablo's still a colt." Adam had explained. "He's not ready yet. He's too young, even though you are old enough, alright? Just take the pony." He tried not to snap at his brothers who were still in shock, and liable to burst into tears at the oddest moments.

"Almost there." Brian said riding alongside him.

"Yeah, in record time." Adam said, surprised at the sound of anger in his voice. "But the wrong kind of record."

"Hey," Brian said. "This isn't going to be easy. You said that."

"You going to explain to me that things are hard, right now?" Adam said bitterly, and rode ahead, leaving Brian behind.

***7***

Usually, their father told stories around the campfire, and then they would all sing. They would sing late into the night. Songs that their mother wouldn't necessarily approve of, but their father explained that cowboys have to get away from the women and be men from time to time. Adam's favorite when he was little was all about a lonesome cowboy who roamed the west alone, his family murdered by outlaws. Just thinking of his father's rich voice singing the song pained him.

"Get to sleep." He said, his voice harsh. "We got lots of work in the morning."

"We ain't gonna sing?" Daniel asked. "We always sing."

"I don't feel like singing." Adam said looking at his little brother. "Do you?"

Daniel's eyes grew wide. "Well, no, I . . .it's Ford's first round up - and Evan's and Guthrie's." He looked down ashamed.

Crane moved and sat next to Daniel, putting his arm around him, he looked up and said, "C'mon Adam. We can sing one song - just for the little guys."

"Sure we can." Brian said. "What do you wanna sing?" But Adam rose and walked away from the fire out into the darkness.

***7***

Brian wiped his brow and looked down at Evan who rode beside him. "We'll just get those three stragglers, and then head back to the corral. You remember what to do, partner?"

"Yep." Evan said serious.

"We got this then, no problem." He looked at his little brother. "What's the most important thing?"

"Not to lose the cows?" He said.

"No, the most important thing is to be safe. We've got lots of cows, but only one Evan, right?"

Evan grinned at him.

"Take a drink of water." Brian told him and watched as he drank. "Okay, now, let's go."

Brian was glad that Adam had taken Crane with him. Daniel had stayed at the corral with Ford and Guthrie, checking through the stock that had already been brought in. Adam was so driven to complete round up, he was losing patience with his inexperienced brothers. Crane had been on many round-up's and was easily the smartest McFadden. He could catch on to just about anything, once it was explained to him. Hopefully, Adam wouldn't snap at him. Brian couldn't blame his older brother for struggling, but it was hard to watch him berate Daniel for not remembering the right kind of knot.

"You aren't a stupid kid. You should've remembered! I've showed you a million times. I can't do all the thinking for you!" Adam had said. Daniel had stood silent, nodding, with tears pooling in his brown eyes.

"I'm sorry, Adam." He had whispered.

"That's alright." Brian had said interrupting. "Go on, go fix it, okay, buddy?" He had patted Daniel on the shoulder as he passed by.

"Adam, he's just a kid." Brian had said. "You gotta lighten up, man. All of 'em are new, and they are pretty upset."

"Yeah, well, I'm just a kid too." He had said storming off.

Brian found Guthrie standing just outside the corral, a little too close to the cows hooves. He lifted him up into his arms.

"Hey, there buckaroo! You stay away from those cows, huh?" He kissed his brother's cheek.

"Kitty." Guthrie said.

"No, cows." Brian said carrying him over to where his younger brothers waited.

"You gotta keep an eye on him, Daniel. He could get hurt pretty quick."

"I'm sorry." Daniel sighed. "I got distracted. I was trying to make sure that water cooler was secure, but I . . .its really heavy, and I'm . . . I can't lift it." He looked down embarrassed.

"Oh, I got it, pal." Brian mussed Daniel's hair and put the water cooler up on it's stand. "No problem. You'll grow into that job, next time. Where's Adam?"

"They came back about an hour ago, but he said there were a couple more stragglers, he wanted to go after before super."

"It'll be dark soon." Brian said looking at the sky. "They should be back before you know it." He glanced at his brothers who all looked worried. "No biggie. C'mon, Daniel, show me what you and Ford got done."

He followed his younger brothers over to the corral, Guthrie still in his arms, but a nagging fear tugged at the corners of his brain. He hoped Adam was back soon. He didn't think he could take care of his brothers alone for very long. He would hate to have to go out and search in the dark for a missing brother. Who would be left to watch the little ones? He sighed deeply and longed for the comfort of his father, and even more for his mother's warm embrace. Swallowing down tears, he turned to Ford and said, "What did you help with partner?"


	4. Chapter 4

Brian watched the sun fade, and chewed the inside of his lip with worry.

"Where's Adam?" Daniel asked.

"He'll be back." Brian said. "Is that stew ready, do you think?" He asked turning back to the fire.

"It smells funny." Ford said peering into the pot.

"Yeah, it does, but I'm hungry, aren't you?" Brian asked him.

"I guess so." Ford said but seemed unconvinced.

To be honest, the stew tasted just left of horrible, but Brian ate it, so that the younger boys would too. He tried to keep them distracted and cheerful, but as the last rays of the sun began to fade, it became hard to pretend he wasn't worried. He listened to his brothers, played with Guthrie, and built a good campfire, but all the while he was thinking of Adam and Crane.

"I'm worried." Daniel said sitting beside Brian at the fire. "Maybe you should go look for them."

"Then I'll be gone too. No, they must have a reason for being late. We'll wait. Maybe they decided to hole up for the night." He was surprised when Daniel moved closer and leaned against him. He put an arm around his little brother. "It'll be okay, Danny. Try not to worry."

"Sometimes, things aren't alright." Daniel said sounding much older than his eight years. Brian looked at him and nodded.

"I know partner." He sighed and stoked the flames.

***7***

Daniel, Ford and Guthrie were all asleep, but Brian paced. It was nearly two a.m. and he was filled with panic. He had no idea how to get his brothers and the herd down by himself. If Adam didn't return . . . It didn't help that when he glanced at his watch he saw it was 2:14 a.m. - the very time they had declared his father dead; his mother had been killed on impact. He only knew these details because he had cornered a nurse at the hospital, and grilled and grilled her, until she'd finally told him things he thought he'd wanted to know. Now, looking at the numbers on his watch - so ominous - he thought maybe it would have been better not to know. He stated up at the moon. It seemed so dark and cold - almost sinister.-

The sound of branches crunching, made him spin to the left, and he went for his rifle, hoping he wouldn't have to face a coyote on top of everything else. He lifted his rifle and squinted down the sites, his finger near the trigger when he saw . . . Crane.

Setting the rifle aside, he ran to his younger brother with his arms outstretched. "Crane! What happened? Where's Adam?" He threw his arms around his brother who looked weary and dirty.

"I'm right here." Adam said his voice sharp. "Crane's horse took a misstep and twisted her foot. She's pretty lame, and we had to walk her back slowly. I thought about riding ahead, but then Crane would've been alone."

"I'm sorry you were worried." Crane said still hugging Brian. "I bet you were pretty scared."

"Yeah," Brian admitted. "I was."

"Oh, don't over-react, Brian. Stuff like this happens every year." He walked past his brothers and led the horses to the corral. "Don't be so dramatic."

Seeing Brian's face, Crane said, "Let it go, Bri. He's just pissed off. You know Adam, he likes to do everything perfect."

"Yeah," Brian said watching his older brother. "He needs to calm down. He can't drive us all. I mean, geez, Daniel's only eight years old for Christ's sake! He keeps pushing us like . . ." He drew in a breath realizing that he was only going to get more upset. He looked at Crane. "You must be hungry. We've got some really, really terrible stew."

"Sounds perfect." Crane said laughing.

***7***

Adam lay Guthrie back down inside the tent. It had taken longer than ever to get him back to sleep. He'd cried and cried. Adam ran a hand over his face. It was nearly 4:30 a.m., and it was close enough to sunrise to make sleep seem like a crazy idea. He was tired. He wished he could crawl under the covers close his eyes, and wake up to the sound of his mother singing while she made breakfast. He swallowed down tears, and tried to think of something else; anything else. He felt on the verge of a breakdown. Everywhere he turned, it seemed, there was a little brother looking to him for guidance. He wanted to run away. He wanted to pack his suitcase, get on a bus and become a college freshman without a backward glance. He did NOT want to be a rancher. He'd _never_ wanted to be a rancher. He and his father had talked about it. They'd talked about it a lot. His father had hoped Adam would want to run the ranch some day, but understood, Adam's desire to go to school and become a doctor. And now . . .

Adam was already fixing breakfast, when a few hours later Brian crawled out of the tent.

"Did you ever sleep?" Brian asked. "You were still up when I fell asleep."

"I'm fine." Adam said his voice flat and emotionless. "We need to get everybody up and moving. We should be able to get the rest of herd today, and maybe start bringing 'em in, tomorrow or the next day. Was Daniel okay with the little ones? Did he get those cows tagged?"

"The little guys were fine." Brian said pouring himself a cup of coffee. He'd never like coffee but looking at his older brother's face, he decided he more than needed it. "Danny got most of 'em done."

"I need him to do what I ask - not mostly do it!"

"Keep your voice down. They're still sleeping. Look, Adam, I know you're . . . listen we are all hurtin', but you've got to stop driving everyone so hard. They aren't hired hands or cattlemen - they're your brothers."

"I know that!" Adam said.

"Yeah, well, you could show a little compassion. They buried their parents eight days ago, remember? Danny's eight years old! Did dad leave you in charge of camp when you were eight? Oh, that's right. He probably did. You were his Wonder Son who could do no wrong." Brian stormed away.

***7***

Daniel McFadden looked up from the corral and saw two horses approaching. He lifted Guthrie from where he had been playing in the dirt and walked to meet them. It wasn't his brothers.

"Mike!" Daniel said surprised.

"Danny Boy!" Mike said jumping down from his horse. "Is that Guthrie under all that dirt?" He took Guthrie from Daniel's arms. Mike Ellis was one of his father's good friends. He had a ranch not too far from Circle Bar Seven. Riding up behind him was another family friend Rob Burton.

"You in charge of camp, Daniel?" Rob asked leading both horses to the corral. "Everything looks good. The boys out working?"

"Yep. They wouldn't let me go." Five year old Ford protested. "They said I'm too small."

Rob lifted the boy up in to his arms. "Well, it is a good thing they left you behind because I brought brownies from my wife! You want some?" Ford nodded enthusiastically. The two men led the boys over to the cooking area, and unpacked a feast of sandwiches, juice, cookies and brownies. Daniel ate until he felt like he was going to pop. He leaned back and looked up at Mike who was smiling at him.

"Better?" Mike asked him. Daniel nodded. "Alright then, let's see what we can get done before Junior gets back. You wanna help me tag some cows?"

***7***

Crane could have found his way back to camp blindfolded. They picked up the scent of something delicious more than a mile away from the corral. Crane leaned forward in his saddle and felt his stomach growl.

"Ya smell that? No way Brian is cooking. You don't suppose Danny can cook, do ya?" Crane asked looking at Adam.

"I wouldn't think so." Adam sat up higher in his saddle. "C'mon. Let's find out."

Crane was flooded with a strong sense of relief when they rode into camp and saw Mike and Rob there. It was strange the feeling of security that filled him when he knew there were two actual grown ups in camp.

"Hey there, Junior!" Mike said. "We were headed up past Tollhouse and thought we'd drop by for the day. You boys look like you're doing just fine."

Adam slid off his horse, and walking to Mike, shook his hand. "We're getting by, I guess." Adam said with a grin.

"Well, our wives sent up a pile of food. You must be starved. You look kind of skinny, son. You been eating?"

"Just what me and Brian been cooking, and I guess I'm not that good a cook, yet." He said quietly.

"Well, c'mon then." He led Adam to the cook fire, and piled a plate high with food for him. Adam sat down and gladly ate.

"Wait til you taste the cookies!" Daniel told him with a grin.

Adam looked at Daniel, "You get everything done, this time."

"Yep." Daniel smiled and Rob winked at him.

"Danny's a good worker. We got all of 'em tagged. We fixed a couple of injuries and got those ones separated out from the rest." He pointed to a smaller corral. They seem in pretty good condition. Looks like it won't be a bad year for Circle Bar Seven." Mike said pouring himself a cup of coffee.

"Thanks." Adam said. "You didn't have to come all the way out here and . . ."

"I didn't? Have you met my wife? Hell, Junior," He sighed suddenly serious. "Your Dad was . . . well, it seems the least I can do. You can run a round up all on your own, I've no doubt of that. Ranching seems to come real natural to you, but I don't know, seems like an awful lot to take on."

Adam set his plate down, no longer hungry. "We'll make it."

"I am sure of that." Mike said. "Rob, you make sure these boys get all snuggled in. Me, and Junior are gonna take a walk, okay?"

"What do you want me to do?" Rob asked. "Tell 'em a bedtime story?"

"Great idea, and then sing 'em a lullaby."

***7***

Adam looked out over the valley that spread out below them, as the sun began to set. Mike leaned against a nearby tree.

"You doing alright, Junior?"

"Adam." Adam looked up into Mike's eyes. "Could you call me Adam?"

"Yeah, that's right. I always forget, don't I? You doing okay, Adam?" Mike asked again.

"I guess. I don't know. I haven't had time to think about it. The boys seem okay, don't they. I mean, I know everyone's dirty, but we've been working real hard."

"They seem just fine all things considered. Listen, there's talk about what to do about you boys. Some folks are pretty set on making sure that the little ones have a "proper" home."

"They do have a home." Adam said angrily.

"Yeah, and listen, we can go over the finances and stuff later, but the life insurance paid off the house - free and clear. You don't ever have to worry about that. But running a ranch is really hard, Adam. You know that. Making it pay, and keeping out of debt - that's no small thing for anyone." Mike looked at Adam.

"Yeah, I know."

"It's really hard and you have to love it; it has to be in your blood."

"It's in my blood. Look, maybe I never wanted to be a rancher, but I am one now."

"Adam, you can still go to college. Listen, we can figure a way to make it work."

"What split up the guys? No, I've been thinking and thinking on this. I've only got one choice which is really no choice at all. We are brothers and we stick together. That's what mom and dad always said. Family first. Always. I know, I'm still a kid. I'm not stupid, and maybe I would've gone to school and become a doctor. Maybe I would've been good at it. But that's not a choice now. I'm giving up the scholarship. I'm calling them when I get back. And then I'm gonna find a way to make sure that we all stay together."

Mike sighed. "You are eighteen years old, Junior!"

"Not yet." Adam said softly.

"What?"

"I'll be eighteen in thirteen days." Adam said with a grin. Mike laughed.

"You are as stubborn as he is." He sighed. "I imagine the biggest problem you're gonna face is that everything's gonna be decided by folks out of Sonora. Murphys is too small, so you are going to have to convince strangers to let your brothers stay. As it is now, temporarily they are in your care. They'll send a social worker to check on everything and make recommendations. If they had a local social worker, they could turn the case over to them." He looked at Adam with a grin. "Guess what my Marlene used to do up in the big city, before I dragged her out here?"

"You're wife was a social worker?" Adam asked surprised.

"Yep. Retired more or less, but she's working on coming out of retirement, even as we speak."

"I don't think I can think of the right kind of thank you." Adam said stunned.

"Well, we will see how it all plays out. And if she does wind up in charge of checking on you boys, you'll have to agree to her terms. And I imagine she'll have some rules for you - like letting her feed you all now, and again."

"She's a good cook." Adam said, and Mike reached out and squeezed his shoulder. "Don't worry. No one's gonna take those boys from you. Not if we can help it." He looked out at the darkening sky. "I guess we better head back. Rob and I will head out in the morning. You can get the cows in. If you run into any trouble at all - we'll be up past Tollhouse. You need anything; you come for us."

"Thanks, Mike."

***7***

"What's wrong?" Rob asked startled. It was nearly three a.m. and Guthrie was crying.

"Is he sick?" Mike asked.

"You can go on back to sleep." Adam said over Guthrie's cries. "He just . . .he'll be fine."

"Mama!" Guthrie cried. "Mama!"

"God, that's an awful sound." Mike said.

"He doesn't understand." Daniel said crawling out from his sleeping bag. "He wants Mama, and he doesn't understand that she's gone." He looked up into Mike's face. Mike's eyes grew big.

"Adam will sing to him, and after awhile he falls asleep." Daniel said. "Don't worry." He climbed back into his sleeping bag.

Mike and Rob both sat up for a long time listening to the faint sound of Adam singing. It was hard to hear the lullaby underneath the sound of Guthrie's mournful wail. It was impossible to say which was worse: Guthrie's endless weeping or his brothers broken-hearted efforts to comfort him.


	5. Chapter 5

The light of dawn had just barely touched the rim of the earth and Daniel McFadden was already on his horse. Adam had insisted they all wake up while it was still dark to get loaded up and begin the long drive home. Daniel had been sad to see Rob and Mike leave the previous morning. He had found great comfort in having two grownups - even gruff ranchers, nearby. They had spent all of yesterday packing, planning and listening to Adam's endless lectures about what they were supposed to do, how they were supposed to do it, and when it was all supposed to happen. Daniel tried to stay focused, but by the time he'd gone over everything three times in a row, he stopped listening to the words. Instead, he watched his brother's face and eyes. He looked a lot like their father, but his eyes were dark and gentle just like their mothers. His eyes seemed even darker now, and his face seemed gray with worry. He looked sad. Studying him, Daniel thought Adam looked lonely. On an impulse, even though Adam was still explaining things to his brothers, Daniel walked over and threw his arms around Adam.

"What are you . . .?" Adam asked looking down at Daniel.

"I just wanted to hug you." Daniel said still holding on and looking up into his big brother's face.

"Oh, well. . . " Adam cleared his throat and said in a strange voice. "Thanks Danny." He reached out mussed Daniel's hair.

Now, though, it seemed that all softness was gone. Adam was determined that they would drive the cows home themselves. Even Daniel knew that Rob and Mike would have stayed to help, if Adam had asked. It would take three days to bring them home, and Daniel dreaded every minute of it. Adam was never gentle when he was determined. He sighed and waited for instructions.

***7***

Adam pulled up the reigns and paused to survey his brothers. The sun was bright overhead and he was hot. Guthrie had fallen asleep from the rolling motion of the horse, and his warm body was slumped against Adam, adding to the heat. It was slow going. He tried not to let it frustrate him, and kept reminding himself that they were doing really well - considering the bulk of his crew was under twelve. Yet, he was fighting a constant tide of anger.

He'd never really had a problem with his temper, at least that he was aware of. Brian was constantly in trouble for brawling at school. Adam was always amazed at how quickly Brian could turn from calm to furious. He had asked his mother about it once.

"_It isn't easy to be Brian." She had told him with a raised eyebrow._

"_What do you mean?" He had asked her confused._

"_Honey, you are good at just about everything you do. You aren't an easy act to follow." She reached out and pushed his bangs out of his eyes. He sighed._

"_I don't . . ." He didn't know what to say._

"_Brian feels things really deeply, but it is hard for him to express it. Anger is easier than anything else. He inherited my temper, I'm afraid." She smiled and pushed a lock of her dark auburn hair behind her ear._

"_You? You haven't got a temper."_

_He turned at the sound of his father's laugh. He crossed into the kitchen where Adam and his mother leaned against the kitchen counter talking._

"_Got him fooled, Katie." His father said kissing his mother's cheek. "Your mama saves all her temper for me!"_

"_Adam!" She said shoving his father's arm gently. "He does have a point. I try very hard to manage my temper with you boys - especially with the little ones. Besides, I'm a lot older than Brian, and I've grown out of a lot of it. It took me quite awhile to learn to reign my temper in. I'm glad you don't remember how fussy I could get when you were a baby. Brian will grow out of it too. You boys are so different from each other. You'd think with seven, I'd get at least one repeat!"_

"_We should have one more - just to see." His father teased her._

"_Adam McFadden! Don't even joke! You know it would be another boy and there's enough testosterone in this house to drown me already!" She turned toward Adam. "Just be patient, Adam, and try to look underneath the anger to see what Brian is really feeling." She stood on tiptoe and attempted to kiss his forehead, as she had done when he was little, but he'd grown too tall, so she kissed his cheek instead._

Adam tried to look beneath his own anger, but found what lay beneath too painful. He was beginning to understand the usefulness of anger. Sighing, he turned and called out.

"Watch it! Crane get those stragglers! C'mon, Daniel! Pick up the pace! Evan quit goofing around and stay on the job!" He hated the sound of his own voice; sharp, bitter and harsh.

***7***

"We should go ahead and stop." Brian said riding up alongside him. It was early afternoon. "The little guys are wore out."

"We got plenty of daylight, yet. The farther we push it, the sooner we get home." Adam said without looking at him.

"Adam . . ." Brian began.

"Don't remind me that they are just kids. I know, alright! I'm just saying, if we get them home, then they can be finished with this!" Adam turned and rode away from Brian.

He and Daniel were working the left flank, when he noticed that Daniel was chasing a stray a little too close to the edge of a ravine. A fierce and powerful panic set in as he saw his little brother ride close to the edge.

"Daniel!" He yelled. "Get back!" He rode hard toward him.

Daniel looked up and seeing the edge, pulled up on the reigns and backed away from the edge, driving the stray back towards the herd.

"I'm okay!" He yelled back. "I saw it!" He was shocked and horrified, when his older brother, either too tired or too worried, didn't hear him, and careened wildly to the edge. His horse tried to stop, his hooves sliding in the soft earth at the rim, but unable to stop completely, Adam with Guthrie strapped to him rolled down and over the edge.


	6. Chapter 6

"Adam!" Daniel screamed. "Brian! Brian! He went over the edge!"

"Crane! Slow the herd down!" Brian yelled and cutting in front of the cattle he crossed over to where Daniel had jumped off his horse and was pointing!

"Adam! Adam! Can you hear me! Where are you!" Daniel was wracked with sobs, and clung to Brian's arm as he jumped off his horse and came beside him.

"Danny, let go." He said gently. "I gotta go down after 'em. Go help Crane. We gotta stop the herd, okay?"

"Adam went over the edge!" Daniel said. "Oh, God! He might be dead! What about Guthrie?"

"Danny, calm down!" Brian said. "Go do your job! Help Crane! Go on!" Numbly, Daniel nodded and climbing up on his horse, rode to help Crane.

Brian made his way slowly down the ravine. It was fairly steep, and he was filled with dread.

_Don't be dead, please don't be dead! We can't take anything else. Adam is all we've got. I could never take care of these boys alone. Please, please, please._

He could see Adam's horse just below him. "Adam? Adam!" He hollered trying not to sound like a scared kid.

Climbing down through brambles and bushes, he made his way to where Adam's horse was staggering to stand. He reached out catching the reigns, "Easy there. Easy." The horse seemed alright, although he could see scratches down his legs. He wasn't limping though. He looked around and then he saw them in the distance.

Adam laying with his arms curled protectively around Guthrie, who had just begun to scream at the top of his lungs. He ran nearly twisting his ankle to get to his brothers. Adam appeared to be unconscious, and he freed Guthrie from his sling, frantically checking over his baby brother.

"You okay, little man? You okay?" His voice was high and panicked. Guthrie's face was scratched, as were his arms, but he appeared unharmed.

"Brian!" He heard Crane call from above him. "We're coming!" He could see Evan and Ford sitting on the ground back from the edge, as Crane and Daniel worked their way down to where he stood.

"Over here!" Brian said. "I found 'em! Guthrie's okay, I think!" He set Guthrie, whose wails had turned to sniffs, on the ground beside him. "I'm just gonna help Adam, okay, partner. You sit right there."

He looked at his older brother. His leg was twisted underneath him, and he knew it must be broken. Adam was completely still, his face grey. He moved closer afraid to touch him. He feared that if he put his hand on Adam's skin, he would find it cold, devoid of any heartbeat.

"Hey, Junior!" Brian said. "Come on, man!" He reached out with a tentative hand. Adam's skin was warm, clammy. He put a hand to his brother's neck and was relieved to feel the steady pulse of his heart. "Junior! Hey, man, wake up. Don't . . . don't . . ." He couldn't speak, his voice choked with tears. "You are all we got! Don't leave us, we need you! Junior!"

"Name's . . .Adam." His brother said without opening his eyes. "Call me, junior . . . kick your ass."

"Adam!" Brian said sobbing and throwing his arms around his brother's chest. "Adam!"

Crane and Daniel ran up just then, and Daniel lifted Guthrie into his arms, kissing his face over and over. Crane leaned in where Brian and Adam sat tangled in an embrace. He wrapped his skinny arms around them both. "He okay?" He said panting. "Are you hurt, Adam?"

Adam sat up slowly, a hand to his head. "I don't know yet. Guthrie's alright? Did I hurt him? Is he okay?"

"He's alright. Just scratched, and pretty pissed, I think. You woke him up!" Daniel said laughing and crying all at once.

"What about your leg?" Brian asked.

"I . . .let me see." Adam moved his feet and started to rise slowly. They could see that he was covered in scratches, and some bruises were already beginning to show. He slowly tried to stand but winced when he moved to put his full weight on his left leg. "I twisted my knee, I think. I don't think it's broken." He turned to move and leaned heavily on Brian.

"You look like me, after ninth grade." Brian said with a laugh.

"Nah, I look tons better." Adam said remembering what his mother had always called Brian's Year of Battles. He had gotten in fights just about once a week.

"Is it bad?" Crane asked him.

"I think it'll be okay. I'll ice it, and wrap it. Let me have Guthrie. I can't . . . I can't stop shaking." He admitted. Crane handed him the two year old who had finally settled down.

"You okay, little buddy?" Adam said looking him over. "Did I hurt ya?" He looked at all Guthrie's scrapes and said softly, "Oh, I'm sorry buckaroo." He looked at his brothers. "Let's get back up there, and get him cleaned up."

The brothers made their way slowly to the top. Crane carried Guthrie, although Adam was reluctant to let go of his baby brother. Brian led Adam's horse, who seemed to have managed the fall better than any of them, and Adam leaned on Daniel favoring his knee.

"I guess, we'll set up camp here." Adam said with a grin at Brian. "Maybe you are right. It is a good time to stop."

They set up the camp quickly, but the brothers insisted that Adam sit and keep an eye on Guthrie. He watched amazed at his little brothers, expertly and rapidly got everything set for the night. He watched Daniel make sure the cattle were secure for the night without anyone even mentioning to him that it need to be done. Little Ford and Evan worked side by side and together set up the tents. He could see Crane working on getting a dinner of stew. Guthrie sat beside him in a patch of grass playing with a stick. He reached out and took it away from him, digging out the set of plastic keys that he'd brought along with him. The only toy they'd brought him.

"No sticks. Too sharp, cowboy." He said patting his baby brother's head. Brian came and sat beside him.

"Here." He said. "Sorry, took us a minute to find it." He handed Adam an emergency cold pack and snapped it to activate it. He set it on Adam's knee which had swollen already. "Is it bad?"

"Not too bad. I'm just so relieved. I thought . . .I'm just glad he's all right." He said indicating Guthrie beside him.

"Well, dinner will be ready in no time. A good night's sleep. We might make it home by tomorrow if we push it." Brian said.

"Nah, we got no reason to drive so hard. We'll take it easy. The boys are pretty wore out." Adam said his voice softer than it had been in days. Brian looked up surprised.

"You okay?" Brian asked.

"No." Adam said his eyes filling with tears. "I . . . nearly got myself and Guthrie killed!" His voice rose and the boys all stopped their work looking at him. "I made my little brothers . . . Danny!" He called out, rising awkwardly. "Danny, I'm sorry I yelled at you. You are doing a great, great job!" The brothers came and stood around him.

"Sit down, Adam." Crane said. "You'll hurt yourself worse."

"No, I'm sorry. I've been so mean and . . . you've all done everything so well. I'm sorry. I got no business treating you like . . ." Brian reached out a gentle hand and pushed Adam so that he sat.

"Easy, brother." He said. Adam sat then looking up at his brothers, and unable to stop the wave of grief that washed over him, he began to weep. He buried his face in his hands and sobs shook his entire body. "I want my mom!" His voice carried the sound of grief. "I want dad to be here. I've got no business trying to take care of you!" He felt as if he were shattering inside and that every piece would fly away and be lost forever. And then, he felt his brothers' arms around him, strong.

"Everything is going to be okay." Brian said kissing Adam's face.

"You're doing just fine." Daniel said. "We'll be okay, Adam."

"Don't worry, Adam. It's gonna be alright." He heard Crane say.

"We're brothers." Evan said near his ear his voice still baby soft. "We stick together first."

The brothers held him in their embrace for a long time, as he wept. They held him together until exhausted he slept at last. The left him where he was covering him with blankets, and took turns watching over him, holding his hand; holding on to him even as he slept.


	7. Chapter 7

Adam McFadden stood just outside the classroom door surrounded by mothers, holding tightly to Ford's hand.

"Are you excited?" Adam asked him.

"Will she be nice?" Ford asked. "Why can't I go with Evan?"

"Evan's in first grade, but you are in kindergarten. You'll see him at lunch."

"Who's gonna come get me?"

"You'll take the big bus with all the boys. Evan will walk you over. " He looked at Ford and lifted him up into his arms, hugging him close. "You are gonna have a great day. You'll like it."

Ford burrowed into Adam's shoulder and then looking around said softly, "Everyone else has a mom."

"Yeah, I know, bud." He kissed his brother, fighting tears. The door opened and Adam reluctantly set Ford down and walked him inside.

***7***

"I thought you weren't gonna show! Dude, what took you so long? You just missed Carolyn Jones and her friends!" Hoops said as Adam walked into the coffee shop.

"It was Ford's first day of kindergarten." Adam said sitting next to his friend. "He was so brave! You should've seen him. He walked right in and told the teacher, 'I'm Ford McFadden, and I'm gonna learn to read.' It was really cute. I was real proud." He looked at Hoops' blank expression. "Well, I guess you had to see it."

"Oh, well, that's good. Anyway, you missed it! She looked hot! Too bad she's leaving for school. You'd be the only bachelor around."

"When ya leaving?" Adam asked.

"Tomorrow! Shake this tiny little town off and not even look back. I can't wait!"

"Yeah." Adam said absently.

"Geez, I'm stupid. Sorry man. You really not going?"

"How could I go?" Adam said angrily thinking that Hoops was really just a kid. He sighed and said, "Don't worry about it man. I hope you do really well. Have a great time for the both of us."

"Yeah, I'll call you and keep you in the loop. I'll party for the both of us, huh? Long as the old man doesn't find out. I can't believe you aren't going. You really are giving up that scholarship?"

"Yep. I called 'em yesterday. I am a rancher now." Hoops studied him thoughtfully.

"That really sucks, Adam."

Adam shrugged his shoulders. "I gotta do what I gotta do."

"I guess, but geez."

The silence between them was awkward. Adam didn't know what to say. He felt a million years older than Hoops. He was jealous and angry, but also felt like Hoops was a stupid kid focused on all the wrong things.

"Don't party too much. Make sure you learn something too. You've got a great opportunity."

"You sound like my Mom." Hoops said.

"Well, . . ." But didn't finish the sentence as he realized he was just about to say, "You'll understand when you are older."

"I gotta get back. Marlene was watching Guthrie for me. If I don't see you before you go, good luck man. Have a blast." He held out his hand to Hoops.

"I thought we were gonna bum around town. Maybe even head over to Sonora to check out the girls."

"I got work I gotta do. Brian's still got school, so I'm kind of short-handed."

"Maybe some other time then. I'll be back for Thanksgiving." Hoops said.

"Yeah, maybe some other time." Adam said knowing that it was a lie.

***7***

Adam was surprised to find Brian home when he got there.

"What are you doing? You can't be cutting class the first day!" Adam said angry.

"I'm not cutting." Brian said.

"It is hardly noon. School get shorter since I graduated?" Adam asked.

"It did for me. Look, I worked it out with the school. I got five classes but got switched into that early morning class. That way I'll be done by 11:45 a.m. every day. You need me here." Brian said.

"Five classes? You took yourself out of the college prep track? Brian!" Adam shook his head at his brother.

"You and I both know, I'm not going to college any more than you are." Brian studied Adam. "Look, you can't run this place alone and we can't afford to have hired hands all the time. So, thanks for looking out for me, _Dad_ but it's already done."

"One of us is going to college." Adam said with a sigh. "If it ain't you and me, it had better be some of the little ones." Brian nodded. "And don't call me Dad." Adam said with a grin.

"Hey, if the boot fits buddy . . ." Brian punched his shoulder.

"Ju! Ju!" Guthrie said. "Hungry!"

"Alright, pal. Hold your horses. Brian and me will fix you some lunch and then you get to watch us do some work, okay buddy?"

Guthrie clapped his hands together laughing. "Stay with Ju!"

"We got to teach him, my name." Adam said looking at Guthrie as he carried him inside. "Adam! Say, Adam, Guthrie. ADAM!" He exaggerated each sound.

"Dam! Dam! Dam!" Guthrie said.

"Oh, Mom would have loved that!" Brian said laughing.

"Let's hope he doesn't shout my name out in the middle of church."

***7***

Daniel looked around the house trying to find Adam. The house was filled with people again. This time, they had come over to help the boys pack up their parents bedroom. It was something they all dreaded, but had finally decided was necessary. They'd finally moved back to their bedrooms, but slept three to a room with Brian sleeping downstairs. It seemed ridiculous to be so squashed together, when there was a whole extra bedroom. Earlier that day, before anyone had come over, they had all gone in and each picked out one thing they wanted to keep. Daniel had taken one of his father's shirts. It was his favorite and still smelled like him. He had put it under his pillow and it comforted him to think of it there. After everyone had chosen something he had turned to Adam and asked, "What about Guthrie?"

"Well, I was thinking, if it was alright with you fellas, we could let him pick something when he was bigger. Everything will be in the attic. Did you have something else in mind?" Adam's tone was gentle and patient.

"That's a good idea, but I was thinking we could let him have Mama's perfume. Then maybe he could remember what she smelled like."

"That's a really good idea, Danny." Brian said with a hand on his shoulder.

He climbed the stairs and stood on the landing looking into the room. He could see Marlene, and Anna, Rob's wife working at folding his mother's clothes, and putting them in a box. Two other women were stood on the opposite end of the room looking through the dresser drawers.

"You okay, buddy?" Adam asked startling him. He stood to the left of the open doorway, watching.

"Yeah, I guess." He looked up at Adam. "I mean, it feels good and bad, doesn't it?"

"Yeah, it does." Adam said and even though Daniel was eight, Adam reached over and lifted him up into his arms. They stood together a long time and Daniel rested his head on his brother's shoulder, comforted.

"Were you looking for me?" Adam asked after a while.

"Yeah, Crane said that one of the ewes won't eat, and he's looking kind of skinny. He thought you should come and check.

"Okay." He looked around the room sighing. "Come on. You want to help me bottle feed an ewe?"

***7***

"That's the last of it." Mike said lifting a box up into the attic.

"Wait," Adam said. "I got one more." He disappeared into the room he had shared with Brian and Crane. "Here." He said when he returned, handing Mike a brand new suitcase.

Mike took it and looking at it hesitated.

"Go ahead." Adam said, and Mike nodded and put it into the attic before folding up the ladder and closing the door.

"You boys should come over tonight for dinner. Marlene won't mind." Mike said.

"Nah, we want it to be just us tonight. It was kind of a tough day." Adam said.

"You want some help moving into the room?" He asked.

"No, we aren't doing that today. We'll give it a little time." Adam drew in a deep breath. "Mike, I wanna say how much we appreciate all you've done to help us out. Not just setting things up with social services, but stuff like today. It helps a lot."

"Your mom introduced Marlene and me." He said softly. "Did you know that?" Adam shook his head. "Yeah, I came over for dinner and there was Marlene and your Mom said, 'Well, now Mike. We found you a very nice girl. How about you take her out?' I was so embarrassed! But I did take her out, and knew five minutes in I was gonna marry her. Your mom was really good at people."

"Yeah, she was." Adam agreed.

"You don't have to thank us, Adam. We wish we could do more. I hate to think of you boys all alone out here."

"You got your own kids. 'Sides, there's seven of us. We aren't exactly alone." Adam grinned.

"I guess not."

***7***

The younger boys were all in bed. Brian was bent over at the table trying to finish his geometry work.

"This has to be the stupidest class I've ever taken. Why do I need geometry?"

"Because you want a diploma." Adam said.

"Maybe I should get help from Crane. That kid's good at math!"

"He is. Did you see what he brought home yesterday?" Adam asked.

"No."

Adam crossed the room and lifted two books off the kitchen counter.

"_Ranch Management_ and _Basic Accounting_?" Brian read. "Some light reading?"

"Yeah." Adam laughed. "I'm thinking we might start saving to send him to college."

"He'd like that." Brian said. "So, what's tomorrow look like?"

"Oh, the usual. You all go to school, and Guthrie and me'll run things 'til you get home. Oh, and we gotta make sure and head over to the school around 4 p.m. Danny's got a soccer game."

"I sure hope we get to sit with all the moms again." Brian said rolling his eyes.

"Finish your homework." Adam said.

"Sure, _Dad_." Brian grinned.

"Stop calling me Dad." Adam sighed.

***7***

Adam sat surrounded by five of his brothers, crammed on the bleachers in the middle of a group of moms. He watched as his brother, Daniel waved from the soccer field. Brian glanced around.

"This is boring as heck." He complained.

"There's gotta be some pretty girls around here somewhere." Adam said.

"I gotta go potty." Ford said.

"Me too!" Evan agreed.

"Your turn." Adam smiled at Brian.

"I got all the luck! Come on!" He led his brothers down the bleaches and over to the bathrooms.

"'Dam! 'Dam! Me play!" Guthrie said.

"No, Guthrie! It's Danny's turn. I'll play with you later. Crane?" Adam looked at his brother.

"Alright, but you owe me." Crane said lifting Guthrie and heading over to the playground.

"Are you the babysitter?" A woman from the other team asked. "I don't think you should teach him to swear like that."

Adam looked up. "What? Oh! No, he can't say my name: Adam."

"Oh. I've never seen a boy babysitter before. You seem kind of old for the job. I don't think a boy would be a very good sitter." She said.

"Really? You must be from a really small town then."

"There's no reason to be rude! What's your name? I have half mind to talk to your parents!" She shook her finger at him.

Adam turned and looked away, annoyed.

"Why don't you mind your own business." One of Daniel's teammates, Andrew's mother said.

"Oh, I see. You must be the mother."

"So, what if I am?" She crossed her arms in front of her.

"Well, I see where he gets his manners."

"Listen," Adam interrupted. "I appreciate you looking out for our best interests and all, but I'd really like to just watch my brother play, alright?"

The lady gave a "humpf" and crossing her arms, moved away to sit on the other side.

"Thanks." Adam said looking at Andrew's mom.

"She was a peach, wasn't she? Listen, I hope you don't mind, but some of us got together, and wrote down some recipes. I overheard, Crane complaining last week about eating the same thing again. I thought maybe you boys could use some cooking inspiration." She reached into her bag and handed him a notebook filled with recipes. "Lord knows, it is hard to think of something new every night."

"Thanks." He said. "Brian does most of the cooking. I know he'll appreciate it."

"You boys ever need anything, don't forget, you've got plenty of friends in this town." She smiled at him.

Adam nodded and turned back to watch Daniel play.

***7***

"I would've popped her in the jaw." Brian said.

"I know you would have! Imagine my relief that you weren't there!" He laughed and rising from the dinner table said, "Okay, family meeting. Livingroom."

They left behind the dishes, and everyone scrambled to the front room. They sat on the couches and Adam stood next to the fireplace. They had started having the family meetings/business meetings at least once a week. It had started after they had accidently forgot all about Crane's music recital. They held the meetings to figure out everyone's schedule.

"So, we got a letter from children's services today." He announced.

"They aren't gonna take us!" Crane said immediately angry.

"Settle down." Brian said.

"No, they aren't." Adam said. "They agreed to let you stay here, with Marlene checking up on us. They said if there is any trouble - anyone ditches school or gets into fights, then they will reevaluate. So it's really important that you all do what you are supposed to."

"So it's good news then." Daniel said.

"Yep, it is." Adam said sitting down. "Does anyone have anything else?"

"I got a spelling test tomorrow." Evan said. "I need help with some words."

"I'll help you." Crane said. "We'll work on it after dishes, okay?"

"I think you and Brian should move into the room, now." Daniel said.

"I don't know . . ." Adam began.

"You should." Daniel said. "Promise you'll get moved in by the end of the week."

"Why the deadline?" Brian asked.

"If you make a promise, you'll keep it." His little brother said. "You always do."

"Ok." Adam said looking at Brian. "We'll be moved in by Monday." Daniel nodded content.

"Any other business?" Adam asked. They shook their heads. "Alright then. Crane and Evan are on dishes. Daniel you help Brian with evening chores."

"When we're finished, will someone teach me the guitar again?" Daniel asked.

"I can." Brian said. "You are getting pretty good buddy."

"My hands are too small." Daniel said.

"Well, they'll grow. Come on, let's get the chores finished and then later we can all sing."

"Sing!" Guthrie shouted clapping his hands. "Sing!"

Adam lifted him up. "Chores first, little man."

Guthrie wrapped his arms around Adam's neck hugging him with sticky fingers.

"Oh, you are all sticky!" Adam complained.

_Soon you will be gone and you'll miss him, sticky fingers and all_. He remembered his mother telling him. He sighed.

"Let's get you clean and in your pj's."

***7***

Guthrie lay asleep on the couch surrounded by his brothers who were still singing. He had stayed awake singing in his baby voice as long as he could, but eventually sleep won out. Crane played a soft lullaby on the piano and his brothers joined in - Daniel trying to keep up on the guitar.

Adam sighed contentedly. For a Thursday, it wasn't that bad of a an evening. They were together, everyone was healthy and safe. They still had the songs their parents had taught them, and it comforted him to think that they could still sing together. He glanced around the house. It was a wreck and would never meet his mother's approval, but it was good enough for them. He realized that soon it would be Thanksgiving, which would no doubt bring on a whole new wave of grief and problems. His friends would return home from college, and he would get to hear all about what he missed. He thought again of what might have been, but looking at Guthrie's closed eyes, so peaceful and sweet, he honestly couldn't imagine being anywhere else. If he had gone to college, he would've missed out on Guthrie trying to sing with his brothers, or Ford's first day of school, or Evan's first missing tooth. Sometimes he felt like an old, old man, but generally he felt happy - or at least content. He was needed, and he'd come to love the ranch - little by little. It was theirs. They had kept it going, and he hoped that someday, they would be able to expand it just as his father had always wanted. He couldn't imagine leaving his brothers. They had become his whole world. If he _had _to put his dreams aside, at least it was so that Guthrie might be able to pursue whatever dreams he wanted. If being a doctor had meant that he would have been able to cure people and help them, then maybe he was a doctor of sorts - he'd been able to help his brothers. He stretched and realized it was time to go and feed the ewe again. Rising he walked to the door.

"I just gotta go take care of Sammy." He said. "You little ones better be in bed when I come back in. Brian, can you go take Guthrie up?" He looked at his brothers and grinned.

"Sure, _Dad_." Brian said laughing.

"Night, _Dad_." Daniel said copying him.

"Don't call me Dad!" Adam said with a sigh. He turned to walk out the door, but before he did, he saw his father's hat hanging on the bullhorn where he'd left it so long ago. Reaching out he brought it down, and put the white hat on his own head.

It fit.


End file.
